For The Secrets You Kept From Me
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: In which Axel must tell Roxas the secrets he's kept to himself, even though they may ruin their relationship. AkuRoku, AkuRiku, Rated T for Teen. ONESHOT inspired by "In The Arms Of Rain" by H.I.M. AU


**Disclaimer: If I really owned this, I'd be wondering about some things...**

**Hi! Zephyr here! So I found the idea for this fanfic on a sticky note I wrote during my freshman year of college. Seeing as I'm a junior now...let's just say I've been putting this off for a while. So this was inspired by "In The Arms Of Rain" by H.I.M. and I'm rather happy with the result. I'd suggest listening to either "Goldmine Blues" by Trocadero or "Ulaid" and "Antissa" by E.S. Posthumus, which I mainly listened to while I was writing this. Anyway, let the deadly tale begin!  
**

I open the door to our apartment and find Roxas sitting on the couch watching an episode of _Doctor Who_. His eyes are focused on the TV in front of him and he clearly didn't notice I entered the room.

"I've been told that I'm like Captain Jack." I say with a smirk.

That got his attention. Roxas turns towards me and pretends to be angry with me.

"Where've you been?" He asks in an accusing sort of voice.

"I got held up at work." I tell him as I throw the keys down on the coffee table and sit down on the couch next to Roxas. "For some reason, no one's interested in helping out when it comes to writing the script."

"Axel, not a lot of people want to write scripts for video games." Roxas says before he gives me a quick kiss. "They just want to play the games."

"It takes just as much work to write them as it does to play them!" I protest. "And don't get me started on the game-play development."

"I still don't see how you can do both things at the same time." Roxas frowns.

"Because I'm talented like that." I wrap my arm around his waist. "I didn't miss dinner, did I?"

"I saved you some pasta, don't worry." Roxas tells me. "I wish you would have called me."

"My phone died halfway through the day." I say and get up to plug it in by the counter in the kitchen.

"Oh, I see." Roxas says.

"So what episode is this?" I ask as I sit back down on the couch and rest my head on Roxas' shoulder.

"_Utopia_." Roxas responds.

"Such a good episode." I smile. "Though I must say, I think I like _Midnight_ better."

"That was a good one." Roxas nods.

"So how was your day, dear?" I ask, knowing he hates pet names.

"I hate teaching with a burning passion." Roxas shudders, but I'm not sure if its because of what I called him or his intense hatred for teaching.

"What did they do this time?" I ask, knowing how much of a handful second-graders can be.

"First, I had to break up a fight between Derek and Travis about a toy truck." Roxas began.

"Sounds like a pain." I get up and walk to the kitchen for some pasta.

"Then Penelope started to have an asthma attack when we were having recess and Kelly thought she'd make it better by giving her a bottle of glue." Roxas sighs.

"What the hell?" I frown as I scoop out some pasta from a bowl and place it in the microwave. "Why would she give her glue?"

"Kelly doesn't always think about things." Roxas tells me as he walks into the kitchen and grabs a can of beer from the fridge.

I raise my eyebrow, knowing how strange this is for him, and say, "You must have had a horrible day, babe."

"Why's that?" Roxas frowns as he pops the tab.

"You're drinking." I point out as I take my pasta from the microwave, grab a fork and follow him back into the living room.

"I feel like I deserve it." Roxas said. "Dealing with children is much more than I can handle."

"So why not teach high school? Or even middle school?" I ask before I dig into my pasta.

"Because Twilight Town doesn't have any openings for teaching positions besides elementary school." Roxas answers. "The closest high school with teaching positions available is in Hollow Bastion and that's too far of a drive."

"Plus it's really expensive to live there, too." I point out.

"I'll just suffer until I can get a job here." Roxas shrugs before he takes a drink of his beer. He looks at me and says, "I'm surprised that you aren't smoking right now."

"I want to, but I'm too exhausted to do anything." I say.

"Getting a cigarette takes that much energy?" Roxas raises an eyebrow.

"That requires me to go to the bedroom and get them from my bedside table, which requires me to get off the couch and move." I finish my pasta.

"So I guess this means no sex, right?" Roxas' eyes are on me.

"For once, no." I say.

"That's a first." Roxas says. "It's usually me that doesn't want sex. I don't think it's ever been the other way around."

"I don't think so." I shake my head. "I guess there's a first time for everything, huh?"

* * *

I look back at the office building for the last time. After today, I'm never going back inside.

I lost my job today.

Not because I did something stupid like photocopy my ass. I have more self-respect than that. There are too many employees in the company and since they hired a new writer, they felt it was a good idea to let me go.

So now I'm jobless. Just fucking great.

I know Roxas is going to ask about how today went, but I don't think I can bring myself to tell him. I know I need to find a job. How else can I afford to pay my share of the rent for the apartment? I just don't Roxas to worry about me. There are other gaming companies who are looking for writers. I've been getting e-mails from several of them. I can just tell him that I just transferred.

He'd believe that, right?

I'm about to walk away from the building when I hear a voice from behind me. I turn around and see Riku, one of the character designers, walking in my direction.

"What's going on, Riku?" I ask.

"You left your phone in the break room." Riku hands me my phone.

"Thanks, man." I nod in reply. "I always seem to lose it."

"Yeah, that's for sure." Why does Riku look so nervous?

"What's going on, Riku?" I frown.

"I was just going to ask if you wanted to come to my place for a drink one night this week." Riku asks. "I figure you could use it."

"I might take you up on that." I nod. "Thanks, Riku."

"You still have my number, right?" Riku asks.

"Yeah, I think so." I nod.

"Sounds good." Riku says. "I'll give you a call later this week, okay?"

"Fine by me." I reply.

"Great." Riku says. "I'll see you later, then."

Riku walks away, leaving me alone on the sidewalk. Why do I have the feeling that he was trying to ask me out on a date? He know Roxas is my boyfriend, right?

But he _did_ look cute, with the way his hair was falling into his eyes and everything. And his eyes were so pretty, too.

No. I need to stop thinking like that. I have Roxas. I've always had Roxas and I always will. Besides, Roxas trusts me. I can't go cheating on him. I can't betray Roxas' trust for anything.

I try to act as if nothing's changed at work when I get home later. I think Roxas can sense that something is wrong.

"So how was work today?" he asks over dinner.

I hate lying to him, more than anything. I just don't want to make him worry. I'm sure to get a job at one of the other gaming industries, so why should I tell him I'm out of a job when I'm sure to get a new one soon?

"Just ordinary."

* * *

I wake up in an unknown room. The lights are off and the blind is shut, but I can see traces of bright sunlight from behind the blind, meaning that it must be late morning.

Despite the darkness, my eyes can make out a few distinguished shapes and I can tell that this isn't the room I share with Roxas. For one, we don't have a patio leading from the room. Roxas furnished our bedroom with lots of potted plants, which this room lacks. This room has hardwood floors, while the room I share with Roxas has carpet.

This is clearly not my room.

My conclusion is further proven when I look over and see Riku sleeping next to me.

Wait a minute. What the hell am I doing in Riku's room? Forget that.

What the _fuck_ am I doing in Riku's _bed?_

I am pondering this when I feel Riku move next to me. I look down and see his eyes are open and staring at the ceiling.

Neither of us says anything for what feels like hours. He knows I'm awake, but for some reason, he's not saying anything to me. After a few minutes, I decide to break the silence.

"Why am I here, Riku?"

Riku looks at me, a confused expression on his face.

"You don't remember what happened last night, do you?"

As soon as he says this, I get a flash of memories. Having too many shots of vodka and glasses of rum and coke, nearly passing out on the living room floor.

Having sex with Riku.

For a few seconds, I don't say anything. Why would I do such a thing? How could I betray Roxas like that? Granted I was drunk, but you know how the saying goes.

Drunken actions equal sober thoughts, right?

But the strange thing is that it felt right with Riku. It never has with Roxas. I mean, I love him. Of course I do. But I've never felt this good in the morning after a night of sex with Roxas.

"Everything okay, Axel?"

I'd forgotten about Riku. I shake my head as if to clear my thoughts and I find Riku's pulled the blinds open and is pulling on a pair of trousers.

"No. No, it's not." I shake my head.

Riku looks back in my direction. "What's wrong?"

"I've got Roxas, Riku." I tell him.

He frowns and says, "Who's Roxas?"

"My boyfriend." I tell him.

"How long have you been with him?" Riku asks me.

"Almost seven years." I say as I get out of bed.

"That's a long time." Riku sounds impressed.

"Yeah, and I don't know how I'm going to explain this to him." I pull my shirt over my head.

"Tell him the truth?" Riku suggests.

"I know I'll have to do it." I nod. "I'm just afraid of what he'll say."

"He's an understanding guy, right?" Riku asks as he gives me a quick kiss. "I'm sure he'll understand."

"What the hell was that for?" I spit out, surprised by Riku's actions.

"What, I can't give you a kiss the morning after sex?" Riku raises an eyebrow. "I saw you naked, Axel. I don't think a kiss is a big deal compared to that."

"I just told you I have a boyfriend, Riku." I tell him.

"Yet you still had sex with me." Riku smiled deviously.

"I'll sort this all out." I finish getting dressed and head out the door.

"You do that." I hear Riku's voice behind me.

I come home to find Roxas fixing lunch in the kitchen. The TV in the living room is showing an episode of _Elfen Lied_, so I think it's safe to assume that he was planning on eating lunch in the living room.

"Where were you?" Roxas frowns, his eyes showing his confusion.

"I was a bit drunk last night, so I spent the night with Claudia." I tell him.

"You couldn't call a taxi?" Roxas wonders as he puts the sliced cheese back in the fridge.

"I didn't want to wake you up." I say. "You know how loud I can be when I'm drunk."

"True enough." Roxas grins.

I go back to our room and change into a pair of cargo pants and an old shirt I got from a rock concert. Once I'm done that, I stall for time by picking up some of the video games from the floor and moving the XBox360 off the TV. I know I should go out and eat lunch with Roxas, but I can't. I just can't face him right now.

* * *

I told myself that I wasn't going to see Riku anymore, that I was going to tell Roxas about that first time that I had sex with him.

Well, it's almost two months later and I still haven't done either of those things.

I keep meaning to tell Roxas, but every time I get the chance to say something, I freeze up. I can't do it. And I can't help but want to see Riku. It feels so right to be with him and I don't know why.

I walk into the apartment to find Roxas dusting off the furniture. He has the stereo on for some background music. I can tell he's upset because he doesn't normally listen to The Goo-Goo Dolls unless he's upset about something.

"Roxas, what's wrong?" I ask hesitantly.

"Nothing's wrong." He tells me.

But I know he's lying. Something in his eyes is telling me that he's upset and wants to talk, but there's something else telling me to leave it be.

"You're sure you're okay?" I ask him.

"Everything's fine, Axel." Roxas says in that voice that says that everything is not okay.

I know him well enough to know that I should just drop the subject, so I walk into the kitchen and start to make dinner. I have a feeling I know what this is about.

"So does he know yet?"

I turn over and find Riku staring at me. For some reason or another, I feel like Riku's trying to get information out of me and I'm not sure I like that idea.

"No, I haven't told him yet." I pull the covers up closer to my chest.

"I didn't ask if you've told him." Riku says. "I asked if he knows."

"I don't know, Riku." I sigh.

"Don't you think it's about time you tell him?" Riku asks.

"Yes, but I'm afraid of what he'll say." I tell him.

"Axel, he's not going to be happy with this." Riku says.

"I know that." I reply. "I just want to keep things the way they are for a little longer."

"The way they are?" Riku repeats.

"Things are fine between us." I explain as I sit up and lean against the headboard. "I just want things to stay that way."

"But you told him that you got the second job, right?" Riku asks as he looks up at me.

"I haven't even told him that I lost the first one." I sigh.

"Seriously?" Riku looks surprised.

"No, I haven't, Riku." I tell him.

"And you're expecting things to be fine?" Riku frowns.

"I never said that." I shake my head. "I just want them to be as fine as they can possibly be."

* * *

A few days later, I walk into the apartment to find Roxas watching an episode of _Ouran High School Host Club _on the TV. I immediately become suspicious when he turns the TV off. Roxas always keeps the TV on, even when I came home from work.

"What's going on, Roxas?" I ask.

"When were you planning on telling me, Axel?" Roxas asks, his eyes showing his anger.

"Telling you what, Roxas?" I ask.

"About Riku?" Roxas asks.

I freeze and stare at Roxas. How did he find out about Riku?

"How did you-?" I start to ask.

"He called me this morning while you were at work." Roxas says. "Told me everything I needed to know."

"Oh." I say as I sit down on the couch. "Did he tell you about the second job?"

"I'm not happy about that, either." Roxas says. "Axel, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you to get worried. I knew I'd probably get the second job, so I didn't bother telling you about it." I explain.

"I was talking about Riku." Roxas whispered.

I don't say anything for a few seconds. This is what I wanted to avoid. I never wanted to hurt him, but I kept avoiding bringing it up. I hurt him by not telling him.

"Axel, if you had told me that you were piss drunk, I probably would have forgiven you." Roxas told me.

"I know that, Roxas, but-" I start to say before he cuts me off.

"Then why the hell didn't you tell me?" Roxas asks.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you, Roxas." I tell him.

"If you didn't want to hurt me, you wouldn't have kept this from me." Roxas said. "If you didn't want to hurt me, you wouldn't have slept with Riku in the first place, no matter how drunk you were. If you didn't want to hurt me, you wouldn't have kept seeing him."

"Believe me, I tried to stop seeing him." I tell him.

"Must not have tried too hard" Roxas whispers.

"You don't know how much it hurt to-" I try to say.

"If it hurt to be with Riku, you should have stopped seeing him, Axel." Roxas said angrily.

Neither of us says anything for a few seconds before Roxas turns and walks out of the apartment. We both know that this is long from over. I don't want to be in a relationship built around lies and that's where this relationship with Roxas is headed. We'll never be the same as we were before this happened and we both know it.

I guess it's time to pick up the pieces and move on, as they say. The only question is where do I move on to?

**This was definitely a challenge to write, but I like how it turned out. I hated writing Riku to be such a douche, but there you have it. No more updates from me for a while. I'm going over to Germany tomorrow and I won't have a computer for a while. I'm hoping to get the new chapter for TSTNW written soon, but who knows? Reviews equal love? Thanks for reading!**


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